I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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