If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
