wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
