Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
