so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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