ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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