I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
