Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
