I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
