Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
