Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
