We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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