you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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