My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
