I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
