Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
