i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
