hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
