you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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