Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
