the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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