Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
