# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
