Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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