I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
