If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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