on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
