Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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