Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
