I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
