yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
