"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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