I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
