i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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