Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
