I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize