If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
