Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
