Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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