idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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