Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
