A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
did you just send me my own nude
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
