we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
