I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
