why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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