i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
