So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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