8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
