Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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