She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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