When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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