Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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