Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
